Revised 97 MAR 2 .....7:45P

Science Humor I

Please email ( your original items of science humor. Often students' answers on exams are uproariously funny, send them in. Sometimes everyday happenings in labs can be funny. Do you have a funny caption for a carton? If your humor doesn't fit a classification below, we will start a new one. We offer no money, just a place to display your work and a chance to be riotously funny and famous.

Humorous Student Responses to Exam Questions (true or fabricated)

Define biennial: A biennial is a plant that comes up and dies twice a year.
{Editor: A biennial is a plant which flowers and dies the second year.}

Lab, Class, Or Work Humor (True or fabricated stories having a science basis)

A chemist lost a bet and was faced with the prospect of eating his shirt. He dissolved the shirt in acid, neutralized it with base, filtered, and washed the residue on the filter with distilled water, homognized the empty filter disk into peanut butter, made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and ate it for lunch.
{Editor: So much for eating starchy foods. Don't try this at home.}

A pre-school group was on an outing. Suddenly, a child began screaming at the top of his lungs and running to his mother. Sobbing uncontrollably, he told his mother, while holding his mouth wide open, "I swallowed my chewing gum. Can you see it?" (Louisville Science Museum, 1976).

An elementary teacher asked the class for a proof that the earth is round. One boy explained, "When a man comes over the top of a hill, you can see the top of his head first."

An elementary student became sick in school and told his teacher, "I ate enough green apples this morning to keep a dozen doctors away, but I am going to have to go to one now."

Original cartoons and Captions Contest We are looking for cartoons to place here. Send a cartoon you have drawn. Readers then email their own science related funny captions. The cartoon need not be science related, but the captions should have a science twist. We will list your name and organization with your caption. We can not use cartoons without permission of the artist.

Santa. Cartoon #1997A

The wave nature of light? Is this wave soldering?

Funny captions will be listed here.

Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 1,343 total; as follows:

one to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed;

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently;

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs;

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in the posts about changing light bulbs;

53 to flame the spell checkers;

41 to correct spelling/grammar in the flames;

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb";

156 to write to the list administrator about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list;

109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to litebulb-l;

203 to demand that cross posting to grammar-l, spelling-l and illuminati-l about changing light bulbs be stopped;

111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this mail list;

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty;

33 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs;

14 to post that the URL's gave 404 errors and to post the corrected URL's;

3 to post URL's which prove light bulbs are relevant to this list;

33 to link all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers and then add "Me too";

12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy;

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three";

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ;

44 to ask what is "FAQ";

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago on Usenet?"

143 to ask "what's Usenet?"

This Tale is under development

North American Flyways IPO Planned

North American Flyways offers important avian technologies. ough Big Al's Warehouse is not now carrying any avian dental products we are examining a very forward looking line of avian breast enhancers. We do currently have in stock acrylic wildfowl necklaces, and all-weather toe nail polishes, & feather dye products for those more formal affairs. Also in the pipeline is a joint venture to establish a chain of migration flyway 24 hour mini malls for those one stop, last minute, full service needs which will feature a gourmet snack shop and an E-kiosk to order ahead our fine nest products to be just-in-time delivered to your spring destination....and free route weather services/radar/doppler. We are looking into round trip shuttle service from the major Northern US and Canadian portals to Mexico and Panama, but are only in the test market phases now and have to explore how that would complement our mini mall plans.

Big Al's Nest Warehouse (Soon to be Big Al's WorldWide Avian Service Technologies)(Ltd.)

Send original jokes or cartoons to Harold Eddleman, INDIANA BIOLAB, 14045 Huff St., Palmyra IN 47164-8872. Suggestions, corrections, and comments are appreciated: Contact Harold Eddleman (